In Spanish, we don’t really say “I love you” we say “traeme una cerveza” which roughly translates to “you are the light of my soul” & I think that’s beautiful.
Like 2 years ago, tumblr was the only place I could come to in order to vent about my life. I seriously had no friends to talk to and no kind of social life. I was submerged in my eating disorder and I saw no way out. I feel like during that time my eating disorder played a major role in my life. However, after my junior year it sort of became only a portion of my life. I found amazing friends and became super busy with several things. I found love and I guess I lost it too. But the point is that I lived my life in a very different way. And slowly, I became less concerned with the thoughts in my head. Sure, I continue to have negative feelings about my body here and there, and I still show some disordered habits, but it’s not to the same degree as before. Back then I’d stay up thinking about my next plan to starve myself in order to lose weight. I’d feel every inch of my body in order to be able to tell if I had lost or gained weight. My life was pure torture. But now, I’m a high school graduate and I’m going off to college this fall. I applied as a nutrition major, but I’m feeling conflicted about my own decision. Is this really all I am? I don’t want to be obsessed about food for the rest of my life. I enjoy learning about the benefits of a healthy diet, and I used to feel like it was my calling to be the one to help others find the “right” path. But I’m more than that. I know I have other interests and now I just really want to find myself. I hope I can find what my true calling is. I don’t want to be stuck with a job I don’t like because I made a decision controlled by my eating disorder. I don’t even know if I make sense. I just want to find what is going to make me happy.
what i never
from my mother
just because someone desires you
not mean they value you.
desire is the kind of thing that
leaves you starving.
- the color of low self esteem, nayyirah waheed