I was so much happier when I wasn’t in love. I can’t do this anymore.
I’m the girl guys don’t ever want to become “serious” with.
Guys, guess who’s running a marathon (26.2 miles!) tomorrow. Me! I’ve been training for a very long time, and the day has come. I really hope I don’t get my period while I’m running cause I’ve been having cramps. Ugh. But I hope it all goes great! :)
He just confessed that he got an erection while kissing me. How sweet? lol
I’ll be honest and admit I’ve only ever kissed two people. And to be completely honest about my experience, I just don’t understand why people like kissing. It feels…. eh. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person, but it feels weird, & sloppy, & basically like my mouth is being raped. I’d want to be slow, and the other person is set on a certain speed that makes me uncomfortable. And sometimes I’d want to pull away, and the other person showed no signs of wanting to stop. Know what I mean? Idk.. it’s most likely that I haven’t found the right person. But kissing isn’t even what it’s made out to be. And I don’t get why people think lip biting is sexy. One of the guys I kissed loved to bite my lips all the time, and it was unpleasantly painful. Maybe It’s my fault for not communicating, but I just felt like expressing my opinion. I might just be different and other people actually enjoy the act of kissing. Maybe all kissing is the same and ill never like it. LOL Forever alone.
Alright, well about a week ago I posted about becoming vegan, and here is my update:
It’s actually not as hard as I thought it would be. To be honest, it has been very easy for me. I think the thing about it this time around is the fact that I’m in a better place, mentally. Before, when I thought about becoming vegan, I was thinking about all the new ways that my diet would be restrictive and aid me in losing weight. It always backfired, I’d give up because I felt deprived and I’d binge like crazy and feel like total shit. I watched a documentary not too long ago, (Food Matters, I believe) and it talked about the fact that people fail in their “diets” because it puts them in the wrong mindset. You begin feeling deprived because you’re saying “I can’t eat this because I’m on a diet”, instead of saying “I can eat this, but I won’t because I care about my body”. And that really stood out to me because this time I don’t feel like I’m telling myself I can’t eat something, I simply don’t want to. I feel so much better, too. Now that I don’t allow myself to add milk into my coffee, or eat oatmeal that contains dairy products, I feel less bloated! I’m also much more regular. Eating a vegan diet makes me more conscious about what I’m putting into my body, and I think that this is a better path for me. Also, I was already vegetarian so It’s not like I’m making a super drastic change. But anyway, so far I feel very positive about my change :)
I hate waking up and feeling fat. My legs need to be slimmer. I don’t get why I don’t lose weight. I run and eat much healthier than ever. Ugh.
I hate that we are a society obsessed with labels: Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Vegetarian, Vegan, Pescatarian, Christian, Catholic, Buddhist —you fucking name it. Honestly I won’t waste my time listing all the labels we place on ourselves, it’s ridiculous. I don’t understand why we need them. We are so insecure that we need to identify with something and keep that label as something precious. We are more than the labels we choose for ourselves.
Fucking shit. I still have feelings for him. But I’m talking to someone else. Fuck me. I feel so disgusting. I feel like a slut. I love him……
I just need to figure out a few things. I need to know that some things are certain and that not every single thing in my life is “guess and check”. I’m so upset about the fact that I have absolutely nothing that is stable. I feel like I’m at the edge of a cliff.